The E.F.P. Chronicles

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 20:11:54 GMT

So I am going to start writing in this thing because really I have nothing better to do. Work is super boring and the fact that I wore the pants that are just a little to short for me to comfortable in is really annoying me and if I don't do something I may go insane.

I did my laundry on Sunday night. Like all of my laundry, so much laundry it took up 2, 40 lb. washers at quite possibly the worst laundromat ever called "Laundry Zone" which is up the street from my house. This place looks like it could actually make laundry fun, a play zone with a ball pen and stuff, tv's, a mini food court. But its not, its hot, full of Latinos who even though they can speak english never do around me which freaks me out and makes me think I am constantly being talked about. This along with the fact that there was a fucking tornado in Williamsburg on Sunday night just made me really uncomfortable. This place does not even take quarters so after spending like 45 minutes collecting every quarter I could find I show up to this place to learn you get a key like we did at the dorms freshmen year. This key can be filled with cash or a credit card. I never have any cash and of course the credit card option was not working so Nell and I pooled our money together and then along with Lexi began waiting for the most massive amount of laundry ever to be washed. This was ok as we sat outside smoking and talking about the horrible ass I got on Friday night.

Nell got pissed of course because I made her go to the big fun laundry mat when she prefers the hole in the wall one right across the street from us with a very nice chinese lady who watches her stuff so she can come home and watch tv while her laundry is being done.

If I ever have children I am going to keep them on one of those leash things whenever I take them outside just because they are fucking annoying. I mean there was a little latino boy who had a hissy fit next to my pile of dry clothing for like 20 minutes the whole time his mother was sitting there saying "que?, que?" I wanted to turn to her and say "your little bastard kid is not going to answer you go over and pick the little shit up and give him a hug. his mom is a whore and he knows it so you might as well make the fucker feel loved." I of course did not say that as i dont have scratches on my face or bald spots but it was really annoying, and the mom well I mean just please teach your children how to dress and that people will like them even if their neon green thong does not come out of their jeans and over their love handles harnessing them down like there is a storm coming and they might blow away.

Lexi god bless her soul drove us to the laundry mat and home probably because we were both so pathetic and sad within ten minutes of getting there.

Shit this only took me like 15 minutes.

I am going to go smoke a cigarette and maybe take a walk who knows?

But I will be getting paid for it.

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 19:01:34 GMT

So this year. This is the year that I do things for me, not completely ignoring those I love and adore mind you. I am no longer going to do anything I don't want to. That's it, everything I do will just be to make me happy, and hopefully accomplish something but if not it isn't a huge deal.

That's it.

werd.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 14:29:40 GMT

Dear Ellen,
Here is your horoscope
for Thursday, September 22:

You're exuding sensuality no matter what you wear and where you go. Expect to attract lots of people who are outside of your usual sphere of experience -- although for you, that's pretty broad anyway.

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 00:21:11 GMT

Today I went insane.

I apologize for that.

I think I am better now.

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 15:13:19 GMT

last nite nell and i spent the first nite in the new apartment.

abi came over and helped us move stuff upstairs and unpack.

all of our dishes smell like nells new jersey basement.

my books smell like new jersey basement too.

we slept on air mattresses out of the pure joy of the new apartment.

nell broke hers.

she is there with the cable guy right now.

my parents are bringing me my big new bed tommorrow.

we are going to peter lugers on saturday.

a little cock roach was discovered on top of the dvd player...nell killed it.

we need little roach traps.

walgreens is awesome...it is across the street.

i bought shampoo and conditioner for $.89 (what a bargain right?)

the g is suprisingly fast, faster than the jmz in the morning. and the station by my house is super clean.

i like that i have the option of taking four trains into the city.

I PARALLEL PARKED AND IT ONLY TOOK ME ONE TRY! (nell was super proud)

i talked to my mommy at like 11 o'clock and she confirmed the fact that if either nell or i were a boy we would be very happy together.

i cleaned the bathtub and almost passed out from the fumes.

the firemen down the street are not cute.

our radiators are not in yet.

we have a little mini bathtub.

and a super long front hall.

and a big fire escape.

and lots of windows.

i can't wait to walk in one day to abi sitting on our couch with no one else there.

i cant wait for super girl party.

i cant wait for drink war.

its going to be a good year.

woot.

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 13:30:12 GMT

R. Sohn is a jackass.

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 17:14:41 GMT

today at work is boring. i need to take a nap and put away my freshly cleaned clothes. i lost nell last night, i hope she is not dead.

but...

this morning i decided to use the itunes gift my boss gave to me to purchase as much ella fitzgerald i could find that i dont already have. i now own like 8 hours of constant ella and have been listening all day remembering dancing on my dads shoes when i was young and blond and not a good 6 inches taller than my short, bald, self proclaimed metrosexual father.

my father is not a metrosexual by any definition or description i have ever found. but a man who still wears the same pair of disgustingly light jeans all weekend long while challenging our neighbor to lawnmower races and napping to golf. which when you turn off or change he immediately wakes up mumbles something about watching golf and how its his tv so change it back and when you do he suddenly begins to snore.

so how did such a non hip man become a metrosexual. he reads the newspaper and our boony, hick, amish newpaper wrote an article on metrosexuals and how men are taking care of themselves etc. he decided that was him. the man who has had the same mustache since he was like 12 and still wears the teal free t shirt from a walkathon 10 years ago like its a freakin tux.

and if anyone actually reads this which i doubt anyone will since i never read anyones so i am assuming no one reads anyone elses. you may be wondering why i am ripping on my dear old dad, and its because its easy as hell, i am bored beyond belief and there is only so much of jasonmulgrew.com i can read before i have to stop because i may be falling in love with him.

my dad also calls me nell which is what my family called me until i was in the 6th grade. what is great is that more often than not when i visit my parents in p.a. my platonic life partner nell comes to hang out and drink my dads beer with me while making fun of my sisters stupid fuckin boyfriend (not maggies, anna's) anyway the confusion this creates was funny at first and is now getting me out of having to do shit like unload the dishwasher. because nell is that polite that if my dad says nell unload the dishwasher even though neither of us spend a substantial amount of time there she will get up and do it. and at this point my family will let her. i also believe my dad has let her drive his car which is like being adopted in that he believes he has the right to kill you if you fuck up his baby, his baby being his car.

the last thing i would like to say about my dad is something i find extremely endearing and miss constantly. when he meets someone new or is busting someones balls he very often will take a hold of the back of said persons neck and squeeze the pressure points so perfectly your face scrunches up into the most retarded expression ever and your shoulder go up instinctively to try and release the old man strength grip he has on your neck. my father then giggles like a school girl because he knows how to make you insanely uncomfortable. that or he will squeeze the shit out of your hand forcing your knuckles to rub together which also produces the same constipated expression the neck torture produces.

thats all for now maybe i will write something about my mother later. although that one will be a whole lot longer because she is a hundred time crazier than my daddy.

Currently listening:
Pure Ella: The Very Best of Ella Fitzgerald
By Ella Fitzgerald
Release date: By 31 March, 1998

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 20:29:26 GMT

Raymond Sohn:

Lesya and I are going to get you. It will be painful and last a really long time.

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 23:42:55 GMT

i was loaded last nite.

i apologize for anything i said or did.

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 13:15:59 GMT

i dont like having to call and email my friends and family in london to make sure they are ok.

i dont like having to worry about dying on my way to work.

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 18:38:37 GMT

alcohol is bad for you.

it beat me up.

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 15:25:14 GMT

im getting tatooed on friday morning/afternoon.

im super excited.

its gonna be hot.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 20:22:36 GMT

i got punched in the face.
grant had to go to the hospital.
before the fight last nite was good.

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 15:40:39 GMT

today sucks, i want to scream kick and cry. but i have no time for emotion there is to much to do.

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 00:59:24 GMT

first the survey:
list twenty people you know:
1. nell
2 bill
3. gina
4. Brian
5. rob
6. Andrea
7. liz
8. fank
9. michele
10. dorie
11. liz
12. tory
13. mike t
14. melvin
15. joe
16. nick
17. marissa
18. bill d.
19. steve f.
20. branda
* who is #8 going out with? greg
* is #9 a boy or a girl? Girl
* would #11 and #2 make a cute couple? i think they would kill eachother
* how about #18 and #4? they would get along well
* what grade is #17 in? she just graduated
* when was the last time you talked to #12? an hour ago
* what is #6's favorite band? she likes older stuff i dont know what her favorite is but she does like bob dylan
* does #1 have any siblings? half sisters i have never met
* would you ever date #3? hell yes if i were a lesbian
* would you ever date #7? hell yes if i were a lesbian
* is #16 single? no he is dating mego
* what's #5's favorite thing to do? drink, play video games, listen to music, and draw
* is #13 hot? hes cute i guess
* would #14 and #19 make a good couple? if they were gay
* what school does #20 go to? she doesnt
* tell me a random fact about #11? she has a tatoo in the same place i do
* and #1: she has to kiss the curb or she gets annoyed
* and #3: she is pissed we all live in brooklyn
* have you ever had a crush on #15? everyday of my life
* where does #9 live. in manhattan and she has a house upstate to
* what's #4's favorite color? blue or black i believe
* would you makeout with #14? if we were the last people on the planet
* are #5 & #6 best friends? no they dont even know eachother
* does #7 like #20? im pretty sure she would
* does #8 like #19? yup steve gets annoyed with her though
* how did you meet #2? he lived on the floor above me four years ago and now he lives a few blocks away
* how did you meet #18? i work with him
* does #10 have any pets? she has doggys and one of them swims really well
* is #12 older than you? yup
* is #17 the sexiest person alive, or what? she is cute

Sat, 28 May 2005 21:23:22 GMT

ELLEN
E	is for	Enlightened
L	is for	Lovable
L	is for	Luscious
E	is for	Exuberant
N	is for	Neglected

What Does Your Name Mean?

I don't think I'm neglected.

Wed, 25 May 2005 03:49:50 GMT

I have my last two finals tommorrow and I am totally not ready. So I am going to stay up until I am. And in the trueness of who I am instead I am going to update this.

I am moving to the west side on 28th st. I am excited but I will live by myself for the summer which kind of scares me. Oh well I guess I will see how grown up I am.

Also I am having a party on Saturday so come if you think I would want you to. Raymond this means you I know you will be in town ya jackass.

I am going to Arizona to see my brother David from July 1 to July 10th which is awesome. I have not seen him since my cousin got married in California and I miss him like I would miss a foot.

My niece is talking not big time but she definately calls gizmo (the dog) gizmo. Who apparently is her best friend and hangs around her like she is a juicy steak constantly. He also gets upset if people don't pick her up immediately when she gets fussy.

Yeah I felt like I had more to say, but I guess I don't.

Fri, 20 May 2005 06:46:22 GMT

look at the time, i am leaving work now.

thank god i get paid by the hour.

Thu, 19 May 2005 16:01:22 GMT

saw star wars last nite with the kids, it was awesome. except the mushy stuff.

hayden christenson got really hot.

Tue, 10 May 2005 20:15:02 GMT

i love my family, they know who they are.

no matter what they do i am there.

don't question that.

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 17:31:01 GMT

yeah so i just woke up a bit ago and i had the most awful dream ever...

the world was ending or just the community i lived in was, but it wasnt my home in nyc and it wasnt my familys home it was some fake neighborhood, you know what i mean. the houses were close together there were no trees just ugly pre-planted bushes. my mom and i were in the house with a whole lot of other people. and then the mom from "malcolm in the middle" came in with this huge gun and was like we are getting out there is a caravan outside. but then there was madeline, my niece. my sister was gone not dead just gone. so me and my mom had to take care of her. and even though it was just a dream. i felt like my heart wanted to jump out of my chest. i felt like crying but i couldnt because we had to get out of the house. my mom was of no help she fumbled and dropped things. she wanted to put deline in the backpack but i refused we were going to hold her "because if the world was really over then we should hold her for as long as possible and if we survive then she will know that someone loved her that whole time even though they were scared" its weird that i have only met her and hung out with her like a dozen times and i know she is not going anywhere but i really love that little person, she is beatiful, already funny without speech, and comforting.

so i guess it wasnt that bad and the casual use of the internet has really fucked up my gramatical skills.

wow i am well traveled...

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 19:20:25 GMT

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourFlorida travel guide

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 00:17:45 GMT

even though i spent from midnight to like 3 holding up jims head, the new years party last nite was better than actual new years.

and tonight the celebration of sarah and katies one year anniversary should be a grand time, i am sure to be followed up by many games of pool with the fam.

yay. great weekend.

hoping for a great week.

i liked both

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 19:57:04 GMT

yay!

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 20:08:36 GMT

at 5 i am going to leave work!

i am going to take a nap!

i am going to go downtown...and hang out with my friends!

it has been so long.

In other news the project that has kept me at work for had its ODAC meeting today. (ODAC= Oncologic Drugs Advisory Committe) They did not get approved for Combidex. Combidex is an imaging agent used for seeing if lymph nodes throught out the body are cancerous. So now I am free for at least two weeks from the hell that all this work was. Yay! and at the same time Boo:(

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	ihatemayo
Your haiku:	a donor card yup have you seen my dad angry he would have had my
Username:

Created by Grahame

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	ihatemayo
Your haiku:	and at the same time boo duude that is soooo lame i love that people say
Username:

Created by Grahame